I must admit that I am currently struggling with bitterness. The bitterness I’m experiencing is a tricky foe that is deceiving me into believing that I am completely in the right. It is lifting me up and placing me on an ivory tower where I overlook those who’ve wronged me. The kind of bitterness that I’m dealing with is one associated with pride.
You see, for my seminary education, I gained acceptance into a great program, which will give me all the tools necessary to do church planting. But as a part of this program, I have to raise support and the school will pay the difference to accumulate into my full tuition. Not only is this the only viable option for me to afford seminary, but I would also learn all the skills I need to accomplish my dream.
But when I gave it my all and casted my ambition out into the crowd, nothing came back. I struggled, I prayed, I made phone calls, sent out letters and emails, met with people, and then prayed some more, and I was still not getting the support I needed. I watched as my dreams began to slip through my fingers. My future was melting into the drainage of failed attempts, and there was nothing I could do about it.
There is one of two natural reactions that could ensue after a situation like this. You could either choose to blame others or blame yourself. The problem with these two is that both of them are lies.
I tried my hardest and nobody could tell me that I didn’t pray hard enough about this. I gave it my best! After realizing that I couldn’t blame myself.
But then, I started blaming others. I let bitterness overwhelm me as I mounted my prideful position to deal with those who wouldn’t respond to helping me in my dream. Yet this is also a lie.
People are in situations where they can’t give, and rather than blaming them and destroying community, I have to humble myself to see them at my level: that they are also people who need resources.
Bitterness towards others comes with a dangerous pride, and the first step in dealing with bitterness comes when you humble yourself.
As I am still in middle of my fundraising campaign, I am still struggling with bitterness in dealing with the people who said no to my dreams. But I am choosing to move forward with a mindset that doesn’t stifle community but encourages it. It’s hard work, but as a people of God we do better in tough situations when we go at it together.
I may not be able to go to seminary, but I would do better with a community supporting me in the grieving process, rather than have no one by my side at all.
Are you able to see the pride in your bitterness? Leave a reply below if you are struggling with this as well.